if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize