Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
