he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
