i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
