FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
