Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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