I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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