so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
