Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
