I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
