is your mom at the bar?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Terrible idea I love it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
