using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
