I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
