I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
