sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
