I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
