Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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