addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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