I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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