I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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