I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
