So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
