I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
