well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
