I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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