I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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