It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
