Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
