it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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