I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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