i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
