Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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