all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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