I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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