I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I woke up under a house in Key West
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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