y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
