walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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