also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
