What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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