I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
