i just made my gag reflex go away.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
