my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize