the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
