I seem to have left my pride at pride
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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