This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
