..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize