Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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