You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
