Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
