1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
