i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
