I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
