New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't deserve a penis
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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