i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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