you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
