He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
