she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
