Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
