i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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