Don't you send me to vm
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
