Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
