I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
