Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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