I am spending my child support on dildos
my sisters under your porch take her home
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
