new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
40s are totally the cure
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
