We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This house was built for laser tag.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
