I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
