the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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