I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so let's talk penis.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize