I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Found the puke drawer
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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